We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
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At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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