I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize