What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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