I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
