almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You pole danced in your parka.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
