so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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