Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
