My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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