Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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