bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
