i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
