I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
