I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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