Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
