Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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