if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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