i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize