We're facebook friends in real life
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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