you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
