I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
