you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
