and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
