she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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