i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
