some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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