I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
