I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
