I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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