We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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