clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
