could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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