listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
