Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
