I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
