tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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