oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
