Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
