I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
