she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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