the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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