hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
