Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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