someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
