Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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