Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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