my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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