He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
