it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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