Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
