Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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