i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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