Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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