between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
