I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
