I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
