We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
