I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
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I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
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Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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