You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
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I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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