Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
We got so high we made milksteak
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
