my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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