It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
