On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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