remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
