i permit you to call me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
