Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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