I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
