I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize