Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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