11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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