I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
