Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
